ok, ya know what? I just typed a whole chunk of stuff and I dont what I clicked on... so everything was G.O.N.E! wow. anw, was saying about can't help over-reacting when marco daddy showed his affections to his daughter by calling her "baby"! wahaha... how ironic... bleargh! yah and anw, was panicking about the pnw tonight, this afternoon at eunice's place. apparently, the brainstorming session wasn't really workin' out and I hadn;t even started with the pnw preps! called maddie and she started telling me, "you can do it la... k? go brainstorm now and we'll sit down this evening, say a prayer and pick the songs k?" wahaha yeah, that was so sweet! almost cried ok... wahaha... yupx... and was like "mmm... mmm..." haha! okok, getting lamer by the min! yah anw, it turned out fine only that the spirit song I chosed at the last min kinda screwed. sang the wrong tune... so maluated! *bish* the debrief was less noisy and was kinda effective. only because there were so li'l peeps around. well, liked it this way but still prefer having more peeps around la yah? dont mind maddie getting sarcastic to alvin all the time than having such a pathetic number of people... hmmm... gonna have the last pj meet tml and it's like, I realized that even though I've started on al lmy pjs, none of them are really done with... that's like... NOT GOOD! yah... and it's like, I've got a feeling that I'm gonna get so screwed by mrs servos when school re-opens lor... err... not gonna get into that now... nvr wanna talk about it... cuz I'm gonna have a nightmare of her again! ok yah, a new sem is cmg soon. gotta recompose myself and start afresh on monday. gonna be another sem of HARD WORK. but this time, I'm not gonna forget what matong says all the time:

"enjoy the process of getting there"

eehee... yupx!

the dead one, 09:50.

Thursday, June 26, 2003

COFFEE day
there wasn't much to "confess" today. afterall, what can really bother me now? haa, yeah. just that few-same-old paraphernalia. didn't wanna repeat myself over and over again. matong's right, sometimes we just know that we can deal with the feeling. so we just dont hafta talk about it. think she had quite an experience during her church camp, and I'm really glad for her. almost cried when I heard what those cathechists did. think if I were there, I would have cried or smth. we went to popular to grab the stationaries for jie haha! and we had so much fun. saw the pack of neon-arrows that reads: SPECIAL, and matong pointed it to herself! blah... then we played with magnets somemore! haha and the magnets were like repelling lor... wahaha... oh yah, she was so fickled about buying those paper clips... gee! we agreed to buy that book we pick up in life bookstore, when we have the money. but I guess she's right, we'll nvr get it in the end. haha! that's like... no wonder!

watched that show I shunned for more than 6 months. realized that I may not like it as much as I did. kinda reminded me about some stuff that I was avoiding for so long. guess I gotta face it. it's not gonna happen again, as much as I wish it would. if I had a chance to walk that road again, I would have done whatever EB wanted me to. would have gone wherever EB wanted me to. feel so silly each time I start to think about EB lor! what the hell?

and FUCKING hell, people take me forgranted. changing venues at last min is bad enough. they dont even pay attention for the grp's sake! wow! I've had enough of hell... not angry with ally or what... just faRgd up in the head now!

the dead one, 06:02.

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

ahh! lit programme is finally over... haha it was't so bad as it seemed, I guess? prolly because I got to see ally darl', charl and everyone else... haha maybe I did missed them?! =P anw, the workshop was rather drama than textual. learnt about the renaissance of Queen Elizebeth I and how that woman started political blah blah then the development of feminist plays or stories (hope I got that right). btw, that french word meant "birth". haha! so literary! oh man... but frankly, I think it's rather nice if I take up pure lit next year! oh well, but then again, my mom wouldnt allow it. she thinks lit is a subject that I can't study for. but c'mon... I can't "study" for any subject either! blah...

anw, chatted with jie last night and we started saying what kinda angels we wanna be! she chosed to be a "helpful angel" and I wanna be an angel who can inspire people! =) how nice... lalalalalalalalalalalalala... -WiNkX- ah well, the hols are ending and I'm feeling all charged to mug again! hehe... gotta be aiming for level possitions above 100 this time around... can't slack off at all cuz I must get myself into a science class! can't do arts for nuts man... and everyone knows that! haha, prolly will be able to admire and appreciate them but, I just dont get the inspiration to make them. blah!

ok, time to go and pack my stuff. then get started with ali'l work. decided not to go for badminton with alvin and gang. blah, feeling too motivated to work! haha it's a good thing... lalalalalalalalalala...
the dead one, 22:22.

Monday, June 23, 2003

the branches of leaves outside the window are drooping. they look like they're crying! but finally ali'l sunlight shining on them now... =) it's just like how things seem so dull and "dark", but God will always shine a light on us. had a good rest last night and I dreamt of various people. once again, I have no idea why I dreamt of them. haha gee... shall not ponder any further because my mind runs really wild and really quite out of point! haha... gonna meet x.h, h.l, fiona tan and charl later for pj meet. finally getting into work. I pray this will be a pleasant meet. *keeping fingers and toes crossed* wahaha... missing the holidays when jie used to be around. cuz we'd be eating and shopping and watching movies everyday! we'd eat choco... then she'll play the guitar and we'd sing together... ahh... the simplest things are the sweetest memories! hee... CIAO!
the dead one, 18:09.

Sunday, June 22, 2003

I always loved the morning. and it's rather cold for this one. playing "feels like home" on the comp and it's just making my stomach cringe. the lyrics sings exactly how I feel each time I play it. life is too short for regrets. but sometimes, I just wanna be ali'l selfish. I just wanna get somethings done to benefit myself. but the flow of life just doesnt allow me to. no point telling me all the quotes of life cuz I have all of them ringing in my head but none of it really overpowers the overwhelming emotion in me. yakked with matong for awhile last night. realized how much we've all grown when she said, "I can figure this on out on my own". feels happy to know we're all quite independant now. but the otherside of my heart feels otherwise. time waits for no one. it's time for me to let go of all that's been bugging me for so long. but somethings that were so vital to me are all gone with the wind. I want them all back so much. but all I grasp is space. if only all of it happened much earlier. I could have seeked comfort from mama. *tears* only realized now that everything she said were words of wisdom. I wonder how is she. and how heaven is like. somehow, even though she's been away for quite sometime already, it feels like she's somewhere around the corner. the laughter in the house fills my head. fragrant of the food fills my nostrils. truly feels like home. and that's where the true me comes from. no place can be compared to the house. always wanted to make a vid of the house and everyone this holiday. eventually, I didnt start on it. everything can be taken away from me. but they can nvr remove God's House. seems like my only comfort. and it is. He's cornered me and leaving me with no choice but turn to Him. that's when I realize that His presence and company is constant and nth can be compared...