for a while, I was trapped in a intimacy that I couldnt get out of. and for that while, I grew to be a very different charactor. I lost track of the image of myself and began to take someone else's mask to put on. now I know, that if it doesnt belong to me, nvr will it ever be. I'm on a journey to reveal myself behind that mask and let the world see who I really am. but things like that are nvr easy to deal with. people sneer and jeer at the sight of me and I will hide, behind that mask. whenever I'm behind it, I feel disgusted and dispicable. everything that God will grant to me, has already been gathered. I'm just short of one more step that I need to take. I have to make an official end to this "tunnel ride". I want to return to His-angel self and continue to shine a light that the world can see. just like the bright star that led the 3 wise men to the manger on Christmas.
"Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen."
-- Hebrews 11:1
the dead one, 02:42.
You are an angel.
What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox
*grinz* now, that was a consolation! after what bevvy told me this morng. :S it's seriously quite hurting. everyone's lookin' at me and they expect a truck load of examples from me. they want to see that I know and excel in everything I do. ya see, even though it's not quite possible. I totally hate the typa attitude that bitch gives me everyday. and most of the time, I get that sorta treatment from everyone I turn to look at or talk to. and at the end of it, I dont even know who I really am. feels as though I'm a loser. I dont find myself as interesting and popular as ever, and I think that's the light in me that's fading. I dont know howda get it back! I keep asking myself: where is that spirit? where is the light? I just can't find it. as much as I love being myself, people do not except me very much. or maybe, they're not all that friendly afterall. I just wanna be myself and hopefully shine a light of hope and love through me. I wonder what it takes to get that back.
sometimes, I do think that it maybe the amount of love I am recieving that's affecting the amount of love I'm giving. maybe I've not be recieving anything at all for such a long time. I feel like I've been left alone to struggle and climb outta this rubble that whoever threw me into. I know that I've got to be stronger. very much stronger. but it's nonsensical. I want to be an angel that truly shines HIS beauty. but I dont feel it at all. wonder what happens when I leave.
the dead one, 03:25.
*phew* it wasnt a very long day afterall, but happening though! was peeved by judy low at the first period of the day, but nonetheless, am not affected by that kopi-soh! whatever that hag says *rolls eyes*. yups, anw, math was just as boring. daddy and I were sms-ing and one of his msges kinda shocked me. almost screamed in the middle of mdm tan's lesson. =X eehee... the usual "silly me"! what's new? hahaha... well, at least jeni was with me today. didnt feel as lethargic and restless, like yest! =) yah and history was like crapified, cos we had to do hy-OBT mock test! gawsh... out of the 5 points, I only managed to complete like 3 points only? sheesh... surely I accomplished alot in that 45min! oh yah, not to forget, my essay was less than one page of the fullscap. =S wth? aiya... this sucks... I better get my points straight and pray hopefully, I will do better in the OBTs next week. as for lit, dyan and I called in for mrs chan. yes, dolly. mann... we complaint about freeman and judy low! haha... the class was so united I tell you! farnie thing mann... yeps! so happy! and on top of that, we did tell sweet-dolly that we tried pleasing judy but she was suspicious of us! kerazzy hag. =S frankly, the more I look at her, the more I wanna slap her face. call me rude, but I think I'll do that someday. haa... ok, that isn't gonna happen... prolly just in my head. ya know, like ally mcbeal! I can do anything to her in my mind! hahaha... I'm evil.
things to do after blogging:
1. complete chinese rev. for thursday's test
2. write cmse script
3. do math wksht
=S mann... thought I could turn in early tonight. oh well, guess not aye? btw, I was watching a flash sent by couzie-in-law, and here's the linkie: http://www.catholicexchange.com/bday/index.html really sweet. it's about why catholics should be proud to be one. aww... yeps! and there's this part that says, "judge not, and you will not be judged. condemn not, and you will not be condemned. forgive, and you will be forgiven." *screams* how true is that?! yeps, that will be my moto from now on. hehe... till I attain that level of patience and love for man-kind. muahahahahahahaha! that is so kerazzie!
the dead one, 05:49.
ahh...(fades)... my eyes are SOO tired, and you have no idea how it feels to have eyelids that weigh a tonne for an entire day! I felt like I was squeezing the last bit of energy in me at the first 2 periods in the labby. math was worse! jenifer was absent so I had to sit alone and try to stay awake! =S damn... no one to sleep with me... wahaha... ok, that was crappified! I have absolutely no idea how I'm feeling so lethargic and restless today. even though, I was kinda motivated during chinese lesson. haha, wasnt exactly that enthusiastic, but I took down the HYPY. at least. hehe! yups... stayed back for so long just to do voting for choir commitee. and after that, was suppose to do sci pj with grp. but I guess it's too late. LkT just wouldnt ext the dateline. asshole. ah well, just pray that it wouldnt do much harm to eoy. *prays* now that I'm home, I'm feeling too restless and sleepy to get started with work! gawsh... but I have to. no matter what. wish me luck! tml's gonna be a longer day...
[losing grip]
the dead one, 05:29.
